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Sunday, September 23, 2012

Honesty: I Hate Being Pregnant

Exhibit A:  A circus tent

I haven't posted anything in a while because I don't want to post something that is not honest.  Sooo...

Gather 'round friends, it's time for a heart-to-heart.  I can't keep this inside anymore.**

I hate being pregnant.  And that's ok.  It's not going to make me a bad mom.  It doesn't mean that I don't already love my daughter.  And it definitely doesn't make me "less of a woman."  It simply means that I hate being pregnant.

I miss my body.  Before I got knocked up, my body and I had been getting along pretty well.  I was feeding it good stuff and it was craving more good stuff.  It didn't regularly throw me a surprise to deal with when I woke up in the morning.  I knew what to expect from it because I knew how the things I was doing would affect it.  Not anymore.  Now, all I want to eat is garbage.  Fruits and veggies?  Well balanced meals?  Please...those are so last year.  I want cake.  And donuts.  And pie.  And ice cream.  Anddanishesandstrudelsandcandyandicedmochasandgummiesandchocoloateohmygodchocolate.  Oh, and all these things that I am craving?  Will probably bring on the trifecta: heartburn/indigestion/constipation. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

And the exhaustion....ooooooh the exhaustion (this is where, please, I don't need to hear "get used to it").  I could go to bed at 7:00 pm and wake up tired the next morning.  Not only do I literally have another human being sucking the energy out of me,  I never hit REM sleep these days.  I fall asleep only to have to get up an hour later to pee.  All.  Night.  Long.

These days, when I wake up in the morning, I never know what is going to great me in the mirror.  Acne?  Maybe.  Random stray hairs?  Probably.  And what size will I be?  What will fit?  What will I be able to wear to work where I have to stand up in front of 100 judgmental preteens everyday?  Great fun is had by all!  Actually, several times the closet/mirror has won and I have been reduced to tears.

Speaking of the closet, let me shout it from a mountain top: I HATE MATERNITY CLOTHES.  If I have to wear one more GD empire waisted shirt or dress I am going to scream.  If I have to go out and spend any more money on clothes that I am only going to wear for the next three months, I am going to cry.  Sometimes I play the game in the morning:  "What would I wear if I wasn't pregnant?"  and mentally go through my pre-preg closet to pick out an outfit that fits, is stylish, and doesn't look like I'm wearing a circus tent.

In a moment of weakness, Z admitted to me that he misses his wife.  I miss her, too.  He has been amazingly, wonderfully, incredibly supportive through this entire pregnancy.  Unfortunately, I hold things together all day and unleash the crazies on him in the evening.  He never knows which wife he will come home to.  The happy, well adjusted wife?  The crabby, throwing things at the wall wife?  Or, most often, the sobbing in a puddle on the couch/bed/floor wife?  Stable I am not.

I am actually looking forward to labor and delivery.  I am sure it will be painful beyond what I can imagine right now.  I am sure it will be the most difficult thing I ever have to endure.  But at the end of that last push, I will no longer be pregnant.  And the only thing standing between me and my old self is the road to recovery.

**I really debated not posting this...but I KNOW I'm not the only woman who feels this way and I feel that by perpetuating the myth that pregnancy is wonderful I am doing all those who feel they ARE the only ones to hate pregnancy a disservice.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Adventures in Moving

Whew...I am really bad at updating this thing recently.  It's been almost a month!  Sorry to all my (imaginary) faithful readers out there.

We have been in our new place a little over a week now and I am proud to say that we are 95% unpacked and settled.  This was probably the slowest move that we have ever made, but the fastest unpacking that we have done.

We have now moved both ways:  All at once and spread out over a month.  And the verdict IS.....(drum roll)....moving sucks no matter what.  But both Z and I agree that, given the choice again, we will move all at once.  Spreading the torture out over a month sounds great in theory, but it left us in a state of limbo for much longer than was comfortable.  It was a constant question  of "What will we not need?  What can be packed?  What can be taken over the new house that we won't miss?  Where is the _____?  Is it here or in a box at the new house?"  Torturous, I tell you.

In moving,
1. We thought we lost one of our cats, Judy (yes...he's a boy with a girls name...long story).  On official moving out day we brought both cats over to the new house and put them in the basement.  That way we could clean the old house without them getting in the way.  In moving a load of stuff into the new house, Z glanced behind him and noticed the basement door was open...while the door to the outside was also open.  Upon further investigation, only one cat could be found in the basement.  We spent several depressed hours thinking Judy was lost forever.  That night, it rained.  Hard.  When Z went to the basement he noticed water coming from under the door to the old coal room (which was tightly closed).  He opened the door to see how bad the flooding was and....there was Judy.  Judy had found a hole from the main basement through the wall into the coal room.  This is also the cat who, when we brought him home from the SPCA to our old house, found the hole in the wall that led to the plumbing under the bathtub.

"I like holes in walls.  And tuna fish."

2.  We have to add propane to our monthly utility bills (the hot water is heated via propane).  I called the gas company on the second to switch the account from our landlord's name into our name.  Apparently that can't be done...until I sign an affidavit (that they are supposed to be sending to me) in front of a notary, include two forms of ID, and send the paperwork back to the gas company.  WHAT??  And the affidavit hasn't come yet...if it doesn't come in today's mail, they can expect another call from me.

3.  Our kitchen is still not unpacked/set up/cleaned.  Which is incredibly frustrating to me.  There are two hookups for the stove and our landlord told us that we could move the stove and use either one...both of them (were supposed to) work.  When we moved our stuff in, we decided that one particular hook up would be a better set up than the other given the stuff we have for the kitchen.  Well....that's the hook up that doesn't work.  We called our landlord right away, but she was on vacation and couldn't do anything about it until she got back.  The electrician is finally supposed to come TODAY (10 days after we moved in) to fix it.  We spent so long in transition at our other place- eating frozen pizzas and take out - that I was really looking forward to some home cooked meals.  But what is the point of setting everything up if the major kitchen players will just be moved?

Awesome giant box bocking our pots and pans cabinet.

**UPDATE** Our kitchen actually is in WORSE shape now than it was when this pic was taken.  The stove got moved thanks to the electrician but the sideboard that was going to go against the wall in this picture?  Is actually too big.  We never measured.  Whoops.  So now it is sitting kind of halfway out into the middle of the floor and the giant box is right in front of the dishwasher and I can't get to the dishwasher to unload it so that I can put the sink full of dirty dishes in and my kitchen aid mixer is on a chair in the dining room and it's all I can do to get to my coffee maker and *hyperventilates into a bag...*  I would take a picture of the chaos to show you...but I'm too embarassed.  I'll just leave it up to your imagination.

All in all, we are really happy to be in our new place.  Moving always presents a unique set of challenges and I know it could be worse.  Do you have any moving horror stories?  Please share in the comments!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

What the Baby Crap?

I've said it before and I'll say it again:  Thank God for summer vacations.  I don't know how people who work year round get anything done.

I've started trying to research crap for the baby.  Ugh.  I have discovered that the only thing that comes close to the Wedding Racket is the Baby Racket.  They will sell you anything and EVERYTHING.  It's so completely overwhelming.  Especially since, like, this stuff matters.  When I was registering for wedding stuff who cared if I registered for the cheap set of mixing bowls that would break the second time I used them?  But...if the stroller wheel falls off while I'm pushing the kid through a mine field...then we have a problem.

When I did an image search for "exploding baby" this is what came up. Kind of makes me laugh.

In the bit of research I've done, a lot of the reviews have been like "Well, it depends on what you are looking for.  If you want x,y,z then this (stroller, high chair, car seat) is for you.  If you want 1,2,3...the don't bother."  Well how do I know what I want????  What if I think I want x,y,z and end up needing 1,2,3 after the kid arrives??

So here's where you come in facebook friends, pinterest friends, and other internet besties:  I need some advice.  What do I need and what can I do without?  What works and what doesn't?

Other things to note:
1.  I REALLY think I want a jogging stroller.  Do I?  If so...fixed wheel or not?  Best brand?
2.  Everyday stroller?  What features do I need?  Can one stroller do it all??
3.  Car seat?  Uhhhhhhh......
4.  What DON'T I need?  Please, I kind of hate clutter...if it was a waste or money and space TELL ME.

Alright internet land...I'm counting on you.  Aaaannnnnd.....GO!

Monday, July 9, 2012

Pregnancy Is Turning Me Into a Dude

I just feel like I need to get this off my (hairy) chest...pregnancy is turning me into a teenage boy.  I suppose just ONE of the hormones in the cocktail coursing through my system right now could be testosterone.  Evidence that I am switching genders:

1.  I'm hungry ALL THE TIMEIt doesn't matter how much or when I last ate.  Two hours later, I will be hungry again.  In fact, I'm hungry right now.  And it's been about two hours since I housed a GIANT bowl of cereal.  Z actually has very little sympathy for this side effect of growing an alien.  He just says "Now you know how I feel all the time."

They say you only need about 300 extra calories a technically aren't eating for two.  But I certainly feel like I am.

2.  I could sleep all day if someone would let me.  (Along with being hungry, I am also typing this post from my bed.  Thank God for summer vacation.)  I actually asked the doc about this lack of energy at my appointment a few days ago.  Everyone I've talked to has said "OH, second trimester!!  I had so much energy!!"  I was worried that I was becoming anemic or something...nope.  The doc just said that this is the way the baby is working it's "baby magic" on me and that every woman/pregnancy is different.  Basically....suck it up.

I think the baby is trying to communicate with me.  He/She is saying "Get used to it mom.  Once I am here you will NEVER HAVE ANY ENERGY AGAIN."

3.  I have worse acne than I had when I was a teenager.  I was very lucky in high school that I had a very clear complexion.  I never turned into a pizza face.  3 zits at the same time was a bad day for me.  So the acne that I do have right now, while not terrible, is still a pain in my rear.  (Z also has very little sympathy for this one...)

4.  I'm super hairy.  Everyone talks about the lush hair that sprouts from your head while you are pregnant.  You will never have better hair in your life!  No one tells you that this phenomenon also happens on your stomach...legs...arms... pits...other places.  I feel like I'm 11 again and discovering body hair for the first time.  TMI?

So there you have it.  My evidence that I am turning into a teenage boy.  Maybe when I get some more energy (18 years from now) I will post about how I finally came to terms with these changes...until then, I'm getting a snack and going back to sleep.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Changes on EZ's Street

or:  Why I Haven't Been Blogging

There are some serious changes coming down EZ's Street in 2012.  Two major ones, to be exact.  I suppose it's time to fill ya'll in (channeling my South Carolina...)

Major Change Number 1
Merry Christmas to us!!!!!  Junior or Junior-ette will be here sometime around Christmas.  The official due date is December 24.  We are now entering the second trimester so I figured it was time to fill everyone in.  Also...I want to be able to post all of my intimate details on Facebook and how can I do that if no one knows???

And hence the reason I haven't been blogging.  I have felt like hell.  (Actually, I'm sure there are a lot of women who have it a lot worse than I did.  But that doesn't make one feel any better when one is going through it.)  Except for heartburn*, I have had every single early pregnancy symptom you hear about...and even some you don't.  Large amounts of snot?  Who knew??

But as we approach the end of the first trimester and begin entering the second I am feeling TONS better.  My energy has returned and my emotions have stabilized.  I have stopped having intense food cravings (for the most part).  And while I still get green around the gills occasionally, it isn't NEARLY as bad as it was.  So hopefully, I can get back to blogging a little bit more regularly again.

*According to the Old Wives, this means my baby is going to be as bald as an egg when it comes out.

Major Change Number 2  

Slightly less exciting than a baby, but more pertinent to the theme of this blog, WE'RE MOVING!!!!!  YAY!!!

 When we first found out we were pregnant, we tossed around the idea of moving.  Our townhouse is fine for the two of us but babies bring a lot of STUFF with them and we weren't sure where we would fit it all.  We didn't decide to actually start looking seriously, though, until our rental company informed us that they would be raising our rent for next year.  Again.  The little we had looked at other places told us that we could find something much more suited to our new needs for a similar price.  So we started looking in earnest.

The place we found is half of a historic home pretty close to downtown.  It has hardwood floors, a fireplace, a small backyard, a basement with a workbench (Z already has a honey-do list), a real dining room, and more bedrooms than we know what to do with.  All for only $60 more a month than what we would have to pay next year for our townhouse.  Win.

My job this summer is to pack the boxes.  We can start moving stuff over in July and will be officially moved by August 1.  We are really excited about this place and while I normally despise the thought of moving, I'm actually not dreading it this time.  I think there are two reasons for this:  1, the new place feels like a home and with a baby on the way I'm sure I will get all nest-y on you soon  and 2, I don't have to do any of the heavy lifting this time....mwahahaha!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Cookbook Reviews

I really enjoy cooking.  I’m definitely not a “great” cook (yet) but I like to think that I can throw a meal together.  I also like cookbooks and I am always on the lookout for new recipes to try.

So I’ve decided to embark on a rather daunting journey.  The task that I have set for myself is to try my hand at reviewing a few cookbooks! (This will also be my first blog SERIES!  Woo hoo!!) Here will be my criteria:

1.  Practicality of recipes-- While it’s nice to dream about a perfectly stocked kitchen with every baking tool I may need at my fingertips, let’s get real.  I live in a rental.  I’m on a budget.  So I will be basing my review on how practical the recipes really are.

2.  Ease-- I would love to be able to devote whole days to whipping up fabulous delicacies in my rental kitchen.  But again...not so realistic.  I’m on a time crunch here, people!

3.  Other cookbook-y stuff-  If you read the intro to your cookbooks, usually they contain great tips and hints for cooking:  Ingredient substitutions, hardware substitutions, tips for special techniques, etc.  That’s one of my favorite parts about cookbooks.  I learn so much from the intros!

4.  My whims- Anything else I feel is pertinent to share with my adoring fan base.

Stay tuned for my first review!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

3 Favorite At Home Beauty Treatments

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you have just been....uninspired?  I have.  This week, to be precise.  The recipes I picked this week were uninspiring and I ended up not even making dinner three nights...I didn’t have time to DIY anything because of work...and even my workouts were kind of haphazard this week.

I was making the move into an uninspiring weekend.  I needed a pick-me-up, stat.  I hadn’t done my favorite at home beauty treatments in a while so I busted them out of the pantry.  These three treatments work better than anything I’ve ever bought in the store and I have all the ingredients for them already in my kitchen.  No running to the store for specialty products.

For my hair:
equal parts olive oil and apple cider vinegar

Whisk the ingredients together in a small bowl.  Apply to hair (hair should be soaked), clip hair up and out of the way, and let it set for about half an hour.  Wash out (because of the oil I find just a rinse isn’t sufficient.  Unless you want to go the rest of your day with super greasy hair).  Oh, and you WILL smell like an easter egg while doing this one.

I wish I could get a picture that does justice to the before and after of my hair when I do this.  I describe it to friends as a “hair transplant.”  It is soft, shiny, and has a TON of body.  After the very first time I did this, it was even a slightly different color!  The results last about a week.

For my skin:
equal parts honey and cinnamon
Bonus of this one-- it also tastes delicious!  Feel free to lick your face while this one is working it’s magic.

Mix the honey and cinnamon into a thick paste.  Shmear on your face.  Let it sit for about 20 minutes, rinse off.

I get this crazy red patch on my right cheek.  It’s not acne and it’s never truly bothered me enough to go to a dermatologist to find out what it is.  Just weird.  This mask SIGNIFICANTLY lightens that patch.  It also makes the rest of my skin look clearer, firmer, and gives it a little bit of a glow.  The honey is antiseptic and the cinnamon is an anti inflammatory.  So there ya go.  The results of this one also last about a week.

For my skin 2:
equal parts milk and unflavored gelatin

This makes pore strips like you can buy in a box.  My problem with the boxed ones is that I never feel like I can really get them into the nooks and crannies of my face.  Here is a video that gives the instructions way more clearly than I could type them out:

The thing that she doesn’t say in the video is that this one STINKS.  Oh my goodness...and your putting it on your FACE.  Hold your breath.  But it really does work. Trial-and-error tip:  don’t mess with it too much.  Paint it on your face and go.  If you try to blob it around with the brush too much it clumps up and doesn’t work.  Also, she tells you in the video to use a tablespoon of gelatin and a tablespoon of milk.  Unless you are going to paint your whole face with the stuff, that is WAY too much.  I recommend scaling it back.  I usually use ½ tbl of both ingredients.

I would not recommend doing the “pore strips” and the “mask” on the same day.  The mask is pretty exfoliating and the strips can be a little hard on your skin, too.  If you have sensitive skin, combining them may be too much for your poor face.

Do you have any at home beauty regimens that work for you?  Please share!