What the Baby Crap?

I've said it before and I'll say it again:  Thank God for summer vacations.  I don't know how people who work year round get anything done.

I've started trying to research crap for the baby.  Ugh.  I have discovered that the only thing that comes close to the Wedding Racket is the Baby Racket.  They will sell you anything and EVERYTHING.  It's so completely overwhelming.  Especially since, like, this stuff matters.  When I was registering for wedding stuff who cared if I registered for the cheap set of mixing bowls that would break the second time I used them?  But...if the stroller wheel falls off while I'm pushing the kid through a mine field...then we have a problem.

When I did an image search for "exploding baby" this is what came up. Kind of makes me laugh.

In the bit of research I've done, a lot of the reviews have been like "Well, it depends on what you are looking for.  If you want x,y,z then this (stroller, high chair, car seat) is for you.  If you want 1,2,3...the don't bother."  Well how do I know what I want????  What if I think I want x,y,z and end up needing 1,2,3 after the kid arrives??

So here's where you come in facebook friends, pinterest friends, and other internet besties:  I need some advice.  What do I need and what can I do without?  What works and what doesn't?

Other things to note:
1.  I REALLY think I want a jogging stroller.  Do I?  If so...fixed wheel or not?  Best brand?
2.  Everyday stroller?  What features do I need?  Can one stroller do it all??
3.  Car seat?  Uhhhhhhh......
4.  What DON'T I need?  Please, I kind of hate clutter...if it was a waste or money and space TELL ME.

Alright internet land...I'm counting on you.  Aaaannnnnd.....GO!